Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Me at 18.3 stone (June 20th 2011)
All of my life I have used foods as a means to swallow painful feelings. I was abandoned by my mum as a baby, adopted into the wrong family and bullied through childhood. Feeling unloved and unlovable, lost, vulnerable, sad, fearful, etc, the only way I could cope with the myriad of emotions, was by eating. Swallowing them down inside meant that they could be stored away. However, what it really means
is that I had to live with the feelings anyway, they just grew bigger and caused more pain in the long-run, both physically and emotionally.
Eating disorders are not easy to lay to rest, for how are you going to cope with life without this crutch? Well, you need to replace the disordered pattern (eating, drinking, smoking etc) for something healthier...
I am going to replace SWALLOWING my feelings for SPEAKING my feelings instead.